I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
