is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
