shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
