we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
