also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
