is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
