Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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