I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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