I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
