New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
