yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just pee around me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
