my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
