what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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