I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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