how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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