My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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