my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
