Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
