Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
