His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
