I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
