I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
