Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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