She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
