u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
