Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
