College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
