I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
