I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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