No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
