who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
