toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
