chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
