sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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