I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You can't motorboat a personality
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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