Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
