these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
