We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
