I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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