in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
