So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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