i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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