I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
