hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
