i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
