I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
