If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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