You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
