yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
