I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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