Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Alive.
So much puke
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
