The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
