Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
