Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
