I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, beer. Big fan.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
