New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
