She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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